 |
| Joke Name |
Mike Britt: Sports Announcers
I hate sports announcers. Let me tell you why: they never let the past die. They always got to bring up something. You could be at your highest moment in sports, but they're just like women -- they'll bring up something from years ago that has nothing to do with right now. |
Patrice O'Neal: World Champs
We refer to our sports champions as 'World Champs,' and we don't play nobody else in the whole world. |
Daniel Tosh: Boxers Don't Cry
I think boxers are the greatest athletes in all sports for the simple fact that they don't cry. That is mind-blowing. Have you ever been punched in the nose? Oh my gosh, it hurts so bad. They have to go back to corner, where some little man yells... |
Dwayne Perkins: Sports Heroes
You grow up; you watch sports. They're all older than you. You're a little kid... You want to be like Mike. You want to be like Magic -- 'til around '90, '91 or so. |
Dwayne Perkins: Rich Sports Stars
These guys get paid millions to play a game, and we work. Well, I don't work, but I'm sure someone out there got a job. |
Holiday Eating Tips - For The Sane
I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10... |
There was a little boy and a little girl ...
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath. |
In school one day, the teacher decided that ...
In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?" |
Nine Comments to Take Back
Here are the top nine comments made by sports commentators during the 2004 Summer Olympics that they would like to take back: |
Diane Nichols: Gave Up Sports
I'm not athletic. I gave up sports early. My last bungee jump was birth. |
Sue Murphy: Oven Mitts
I made a casserole last week. The only trouble is when I wanted to take it out of the oven, I realized I don't even own any oven mitts. But luckily, since I'm a sports fan, I had a couple of those #1 foam hands, which makes your casserole presentation oh so much more dramatic. |
Roger Rittenhouse: Bungee Jumping
I had a chance to go bungee cord jumping last week. They make it look cool on TV, don't they? You always see people doing those sports in Mountain Dew commercials: risking their life, sipping a Dew. If you're jumping out of a balloon, hooked to a... |
Anthony Szpak: Athletes Thanking God
It's fun to watch sports. I'm just tired of athletes bringing up God at the end of the game. It doesn't fit, does it? There's nothing more annoying -- some big freak on the screen after a game, 'Yeah, I want to thank God for helping me win. He... |
June 4, 2009
The biggest hamburger available at a restaurant tips in at over 164 lbs. and costs $399.00 at Mallies Sports Grill & Bar in Southgate, MI. We had to get ours to go. |
The Sklar Brothers: Beer Commercial
Jason Sklar: The insinuation being that it's every red blooded American sports fan's dream to have a sexual three way with a set of twins. |
Jeff Dye: Old People and Sports
The bad thing about playing old people at sports is they like to wear the stuff they wore when they played the sport. Playing my dad at basketball, all of a sudden he comes out of the bathroom -- he's got knee pads and short shorts. He's like, 'D-up, boy!' I'm like, 'Please put on pants. This is weird.' |
New Male Performance Drugs
With the success of Viagra, many new performance drugs for men go into development: |
The Blonde and Car Maintenance
A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again. |
Old Joe
A farmer is in the middle of plowing his field when his tractor runs out of gas. He needs to get back to the farm, but it's too far for him and his dog, Old Joe, to walk. |
| |
