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| Joke Name |
Brutus' Last Stand
A little old man stumbles into a biker bar and asks, "Does anyone knows who's Doberman Pincher is outside chained up? |
Good News, Bad News
One sunny day a man decided to go jump from an airplane. When he jumped there was good and bad news.... |
Y2K Nostalgia
Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton, and Bill Gates were invited on the eve of the millennium to have dinner with God. After a little bit of small talk, God informed them that he would be destroying the earth the next day. Upon returning to earth, they... |
Having To Face the Fact
Dermatologist: Good News my dear, aftr looking through your test results I'm happy to report you will no longer be plagued by pimples. |
My First Sexual Experience
Herman and his brother, Trevor live on a farm in Texas. One day Trevor rides on his bike into town and he sees a building on fire, so he goes back home and tells his brother, “Herman, Herman there is a fire and people are getting... |
Defense Lawyer's Good News
"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client. |
Louisiana Heritage
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Aliens Attack
President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. |
Classic Baseball Quotes
"It was too bad I wasn't a second baseman; then I'd probably have seen a lot more of my husband." |
There were these two old guys...
There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. |
Executive Decision
A hardworking female executive dies and meets St. Peter at the pearly gates and he says, "You've shown an outstanding aptitude for making business decisions. Choose whether you will go to heaven or to hell." |
Greg Giraldo: Doomsday Scenarios on the News
You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves. |
Craig Shoemaker: Never Pulled Over in a Minivan
There is good news about a minivan. I'm telling you, you never get pulled over in a minivan. You could have a hooker strapped to your hood, doing Mach 5 -- the cops'll go, 'Eh, let him go. He's suffered enough, for God sakes.' |
John Caparulo: Not Watching the News
My friends guilt trip me, 'You hear what Bush said today? You see his speech?' 'Uh, no.' 'How could you miss that?' 'I guess I got more channels than you do, dude. It wasn't on Nickelodeon. I don't care.' 'What about the education system and gay... |
Arj Barker: Did You Score?
My friends, they only want to know one thing: 'Did you score? Did you score? Did you score? Did you score?' Hey, guess what -- news flash, guys -- a date's not a sporting event. A date's an opportunity to be in the presence of another individual... |
Joe Clair: Ashamed of "Jerry Springer"
White people, don't be embarrassed, because we have a show that makes us feel the same way -- it's called the news. |
Steve White: Rap Violence
Rap music is violent, man. Rappers getting killed left and right: Tupac, Notorious B.I.G. What's going on, man? They're killing the best rappers. I got news for you -- Vanilla Ice is still alive. I got his beeper number. Come on, Ice Cube, let's form a lynch mob and get his ass! |
Chuck Booms: Diversity News
We've got to have every goddamn nationality at that news desk. I am so sick of that sh*t I could scream. Give me four white guys, four black guys, all women -- I don't care -- but do I have to have a g**damn UN meeting every time I turn on the set? |
Kevin Brennan: News for Vegetarians
Well, you know, plants are living things, too. They're just easier to catch. |
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