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| Joke Name |
Men vs. Women: Round 1
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Act of God
After his wife had a baby, the new minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair and approved it. |
Seasick
Mr. Johnson's wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young." He thought it over and agreed. |
West Virginia Custody Battle
An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children. |
Where Is God?
A couple had two mischievous little boys, ages eight and 10. At their wits' end, the parents contacted a clergyman who had been successful in rehabilitating bad children in the past. |
Norm MacDonald: Cartoon Violence
All kinds of violence on the TV. You're not supposed to watch violence on the TV. Children, they can't watch it 'cause they're afraid maybe the kids will copy something they see on the TV. I can't even get a funny cartoon anymore because some... |
Jonathan Katz: Cambridge, MA
Cambridge is the kind of place where you can walk into a children's bookstore and find a self-help section. Yesterday, I saw a book for five-year-olds, called, 'Learning to Tie Your Inner Shoe.' |
Are You Ready for Kids?
A simple tests to determine your preparedness for children: |
Happy Baby
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over... |
Playing Doctor
Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing. |
Hillbilly Newlyweds
A newly married hillbilly couple decided they wanted children, but didn't know how to go about it. Questions and conversations with friends and relatives proved no help, until a neighbor said they should go to town and ask the Big City Doctor. The... |
Words of Wisdom from Children
Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, age 10 |
Johnny Big Head
Johnny comes back from school crying and says, "Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head." |
The Reason Why I Fired My Secretary
Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say “Happy Birthday,” and probably have a present for me. |
Top 11 Worst Things To Say at a Funeral
11) I'm spiking the punch at the reception. That'll liven things up! |
Ladies Laugh Last
1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. |
David's Brother David
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?" |
Dubya Quotes
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." |
Things I've Learned from My Children
1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. |
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