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| Joke Name |
Jamie Kennedy: Bad College
I went to college for, like, one second. I went to a college called DCCC. With that many C's, you know it can't be good. I think it stood for Delaware County Community College -- Correctional. |
Doug Williams: Just Finished College
I just finished college -- thank you. I didn't graduate. I just decided I was finished. |
Chelsea Handler: Waiting for College
When I was a little girl, I was like, 'Oh my god, I'm gonna wait 'til I go to college to lose my virginity,' and all these big dreams. Then, the third grade ended up being such a nutty year -- and I'm so glad I didn't wait for college 'cause I didn't end up getting accepted anywhere. |
Redneck College Grad
A redneck family's only son returns home from college. The father asks, "Well son, you done gone to college, so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?" |
Tommy Johnagin: The Hardest Thing at Community College
The hardest thing to do at a community college is cheat on a test because the only people you can cheat off of |
Jimmy Dore: Finishing College First
You don't get a prize if you finish college first. You know what you get -- a job and a boss. You friggin' lose. |
Melanie Reno: More Money in College
It's weird, though, 'cause this is my first time job and everything, but I could've sworn I was making more money in college just working for my parents as their daughter. |
College Dorm Rules
On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory will be off limits to the female students. Anybody caught... |
Scary Stages of College
You know you're in trouble when... |
Demetri Martin: Strange Beast in College
There is also a beast, a beast of strange dimensions. He has the head of a horse and the body of a man who needs a lot of attention. He represents me in college: I was a dork-ataur. |
Eddy Ifft: Moving After College
You move out of college, where do you go? A lot of people move in with their parents, huh? I wasn't that pathetic. I didn't move in with my parents. I moved in with my sister. |
B.J. Novak: Learned Nothing in College
I learned nothing in college. It was really kind of my own fault. I had a double major: psychology and reverse psychology. |
Michael Somerville: Treating Your Job Like College
Can you imagine behaving the same way at your job as you did in college? Be on the phone at midnight like, 'Dude, I got a $40 million business pitch due tomorrow. I haven't even started it.' |
Signs You're No Longer in College...
-- You no longer know what time fast food drive-thru windows close. |
You Know You're Out Of College When...
1. Your salary is less than your tuition. |
College Grads
A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" |
College Roast
Q: How do you get a Maryland graduate off your porch? |
College Pride
A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor. “Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's... |
Tom Cotter: College Years
I had a 3.0 -- that was my blood alcohol level. |
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