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| Joke Name |
John Heffron: Second Business
That's what happens to you, fellas, once you get married: whatever your profession is, you open up a second business, which is a small shipping service, and your territory is your house, and you're on call 24/7. You just pretty much sit on the... |
Jeffrey Ross: Jewish Show Business
My manager's Jewish. My agent's Jewish. Let's face it, show business is run by 2,000 Jews and Oprah, and she lives next door to Spielberg, which makes her Jewish by association. |
Jeff Marder: Out of Business Psychic
I happen to enjoy it when I drive past one of those psychic advisor places that have gone out of business. They should have known -- I mean, of all people. It makes the whole industry look bogus when one of them closes, doesn't it? |
David Feldman: Run America Like a Business
Let me be your emperor! I'll run America like a business: I'll burn it to the ground and collect the insurance. |
Mike Britt: Too Much of Our Business
We tell too much of our business. I don't understand war. Why we tell everything we're about to do? We're running around, trying to find out military intelligence on them. They don't need that -- all they do is watch the news, they see everything... |
Laura Kightlinger: Family Business
Electing W. proves that Americans are suckers for family businesses, no matter how dysfunctional or incompetent. 'Bush and Son: Leading America to War Since 1990.' |
The Vacuum Business Sucks
A vacuum salesman goes door-to-door in a new neighborhood. When a woman answers the door at the first house, the salesman walks right in and drops cow patties on her floor. |
Gary Condit Gets Down to Business
Gary Condit looks up from his desk to see one of his aides nervously approach him. "What is it?" yells the Congressman. |
Rene Hicks: Dog Eat Dog
Show business is a dog eat dog world. Make sure your dog isn't anorexic. |
Kathy Griffin: My Cousin Sal
The father of the bride was my cousin, Sal. Sal was in the construction business, and that's all we say. |
Dan Levy: Doing It All in L.A.
It's kind of weird living in L.A. because everyone's so in show business, you know what I mean? This guy gave me his business card the other day, it said 'Actor/Writer/Producer/Director/Rapper.' And he goes, 'Yo dawg, call me for weed.' |
Eugene Mirman: Linens 'N Things
I saw that Linens 'N Things was going out of business. I know. My first thought was, 'Should have been more specific.' |
Artie Lang: Obvious Gambling Problem
I have a bad gambling problem. You're not in show business for 12 years and dress like this without a bad gambling problem. |
Descent Proposal
A business man is trying to find a potental wife. So he finds three business oriented ladies and tells them he'll will give them each five thousand dollars. Each of them can do what they want with it but to be back in six weeks to tell him what... |
Mike Dugan: On Abortion
Everyone's got their own beliefs on this. It's America; you're entitled to your belief. My belief is that life begins when you start minding your own business. |
Paul Provenza: Church Is Theater
Religion's basically show business. Church is theater -- they got costumes; they got hairdressing; they got lighting; they got fog machines. It's like an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, but with good music. |
Accomplished
''As soon as I get out of high school I am going to be a successful business man.'' |
Dave Attell: Klan Meetings
Why is the Klan still having meetings? Is there any new business with the Ku Klux Klan? 'Well, we do hate everybody, right? OK, see you next week.' |
Mark Cohen: Last Time in Temple
I'm Jewish, but I don't really follow the religion. Last time I was in temple, I was 13. I made my two grand -- I got out of the business. |
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