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| Joke Name |
Lewis Black: George W. Bush's Resume
He's a man who was a failure until he was 40 years old, which looks really good on your resume -- if you're a comic. |
Lewis Black: Leadership Evolution
In my life time, I went from an Eisenhower to a George W. Bush. I went from a John Kennedy to an Albert Gore. Now, if that is evolution, then I believe in about 12 years, we're gonna be voting for plants. |
Steve Marmel: Bush and Gore
I hate this election year 'cause it's over: it's Bush and Gore. That's it, Bush and Gore -- doesn't sound like an election, sounds like a snuff film. |
Steve Marmel: George W.'s 2000 Campaign
It sucks for Bush to walk around, 'I'm not an insider.' You're the president's kid! You're a Baldwin! |
Bill Burr: I Could Be President, Too
You know what I like about George Bush? He makes me feel like I could be president, too. No, he does. He's like the first guy, like, from my reading level, you know -- the first guy, like, from my math class to finally go out and do something! |
Carol Leifer: Celebrity Name Change
You know what kills me about Jennifer Lopez? The fact that this woman wakes up one day and she's like, 'You know what? From now on, I'd like people to call me J-Lo,' and then they do it. Only a celebrity can get away with this. George Bush doesn't... |
Charlie Viracola: George W. Bush's Evildoers
His big thing now is we've got to get these evildoers... sounds like we're living in a giant episode of 'Scooby Doo.' |
Gregg Rogell: Bush Reading the Bible
George W. says he reads the Bible every day. He's 56 years old -- finish the book. |
Greg Giraldo: Not in Iran Right Now
The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell. |
Keith Robinson: Crazy Uncle Bush
George looks like -- he's like the crazy uncle that you got when you had problems in the neighborhood. 'George, I just got jumped down 16th street.' 'Come on, we'll go smoke 'em out!' |
Lizz Winstead: Medicare Website
How the hell is she supposed to figure out which one of these 73 plans is good for her? Well, I'll tell ya. George Bush says, 'You know what? Here's the best way to do it. You just navigate our Medicare website.'... Old people cannot find... |
Lizz Winstead: Bush's Clear Skies Initiative
Isn't that kind of Bush's whole thing? Just keep us fat and afraid, and we'll buy any of this stuff from him. He gives all of this stuff fancy names, sounds like a good idea, right? The 'Clear Skies Initiative' -- you have to be heavily medicated... |
Lizz Winstead: Bush's Environmental Priorities
At least Bush has his priorities straight. It's not putting more poison into the water that's ruining the environment -- it's those homo-extremists that want to get married and have health insurance. Somebody stop them! |
Ted Alexandro: Bush, Kerry or Nader
Bush, Kerry and Nader -- those were the the choices. Although Nader -- you know when you take a multiple choice exam, and they tell you to immediately rule out one choice 'cause it's crazy? -- that's Nader. It's like, 'The square root of 342 is a)... |
Andy Kindler: George W. Bush Talks Tough
Here's a guy who's never faced combat or anything in his life -- or really had a tough day -- and he's like, 'Bring it on,' I love that. He's like, 'Ya got a problem? Bring it on. Over there. In Iraq. Where the troops are.' |
Mike Birbiglia: Bush in D.C.
People get very personally offended by talking about Bush at all. I was in Washington, D.C., and this woman came up to me and she goes, 'Um -- you know, he could be here.' And I said, 'First of all -- no. He's probably on vacation.' |
Mike Birbiglia: George W. Bush Seems Fun
I feel like whether you like him or not, Bush seems like a fun guy. Like he's that guy you invite to the bar-b-que 'cause you know he'll start the whiffle ball game. |
Bill Santiago: George W. Bush's Intelligence
I do not think of George Bush as an idiot, OK? I like to think of him more as an intellectual celibate. |
John Caparulo: Not Watching the News
My friends guilt trip me, 'You hear what Bush said today? You see his speech?' 'Uh, no.' 'How could you miss that?' 'I guess I got more channels than you do, dude. It wasn't on Nickelodeon. I don't care.' 'What about the education system and gay... |
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