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| Joke Name |
Football Animals
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the small animals. The big animals were crushing small animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. |
Animals in the Fridge!
1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? |
Kid and Animals
There was this teacher who was teaching young kids the different types of animals, she showed them the picture of a giraffe, and asked them what it was. Nobody answered..so she gave them a clue, ''It has a long neck.'' One kid answered,... |
Jimmie Roulette: Dumb Animals
If you think about the animals we do eat, we only eat the dumb ones. Our three main meats are what? Cows, fish, chickens -- all animals, I'm pretty sure, if they could talk, you could trick them into killing themselves. |
Lisa DeLarios: Stuffed Animals
If I were eight years old, that would be my ultimate fantasy -- to have my very own paralyzed dog. 'Cause, you know, your stuffed animals -- they're cute and fluffy, but they're not alive. |
Jeff Stilson: Product Testing on Animals
I'm opposed to product testing on animals, especially in cosmetics research. What can we possibly learn from it? So what if a dog looks good in lipstick? |
A Woman's Four Favorite Animals
Q: What are a woman's four favorite animals? |
Kurt Metzger: The Only Animals in All of Nature
You know, human beings are the only animal in all of nature that sometimes shoves other animals up their ass. |
Rocky LaPorte: Renaming "When Animals Attack"
You ever see that show, 'When Animals Attack'? They should call it, 'When Stupid People Get Bit.' |
A.J. Jamal: Worshipped Animals
I'm a vegetarian. We worshipped animals when we were growing up 'cause my mother was a cow. I'm kidding -- my father loves that joke. |
Leo Allen: If Animals Could Talk
We're in the vegetarian restaurant, which is fine, except for the whole time, I had to look over my friend's shoulder at this sign they had put up on the wall, and they framed the sign -- I think that's what really bugged me -- and the sign said,... |
Talking animals?
While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation. Cowboy: "Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?" |
Poker animals
Q: What animal should you never play cards with? |
Cowboy Talks to the Animals
A cowboy passes by a ranch and strikes up a conversation with the rancher sitting by the gate. |
Frenchman and Farm Animals
What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat under the other? |
Jon Dore: Philanthropic Animals
I like to sit around with my friends and of course the conversation always leads to, 'What is the most philanthropic animal?' A lot of people think it's the dog because it helps blind people around. No, the dog's trained to do that, doesn't want... |
You Do Not Have To Oil Animals
What's the only animal that has to be oiled? A mouse. Why? 'Cause it squeaks! |
David Cross: Delicious Ugly Animals
If a dolphin was ugly and tasted good, we'd be eating it by the truckload. No one would care. The only negative thing that ever happened to a tuna was it was born butt ugly and it mixes well with mayo. |
Greg Proops: Animal Functions
Animals have two vital functions in today's society: to be delicious and to fit well. |
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